Now Can We Get Back To The Important Things, Mr. Caspit?
Oh, yes, we have problems. We just lost a war for reasons no one is sure of; though we are blaming anyone who could have anything to do with it and avoiding any actual lessons we could take from it! Our President is being investigated on charges of rape! Our PM is horribly corrupt! Our Defense Minister is, erm, really good at economics! Our economy is shit because we have to pay for that lost war! A prominent member of parliament has publicly said we should stop with that nansy pansy "Not killing tens of thousands of innocents" thing, and despite being a former Major-General, completely misses the distinctions between Asymmetrical and Third Generation warfare! Three Arab Israeli members of parliament are being investigated for treason (because they went to Syria and said some soothing words)! Gilad Shalit and our two lost soldiers in Lebanon are still missing, with no formal word of whether we are negotiating to get them back yet! Obviously, at this turbulent time amid turbulent times, one of the most widely respected reporters in the country, publishing a front-page column in the most widely read newspaper in the country, would be positively blinding with hate and disdain, vitriol and curses for...
Jacko Eisenberg, winner of the fourth run of the Israeli Idol competition?
Let's run down the story for you just joining in. A week or two ago, the aforementioned Mr. Eisenberg (so famous he doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry) won the acclaimed show so famous for it's political acumen and social message, Kokhav Nolad - Not at all, in any shape or form, a popularity contest in which the winner is chosen based on how pretty s/he is, how big his/her hometown is, and how well s/he sings, in that order. As Mr. Eisenberg became a world celebrity no one over the age of 14 would recognize on the street, it surfaced that he was once part of a band that sang lyrics like "Suck my cock, Israel!"*.
Later, it was revealed that The Big Famous Future Pedophiliac actually did not serve in the military! I'm not really sure how no one knew this earlier, since he was a huge fucking celebrity. Apparently Mr. Eisenberg got released from the military based on a psychiatric review, in which he stated he wouldn't hold a gun or shoot it, a common claim for pussies who would like not to be in the military.
OH HOLY FUCK!
Our fourteen year olds are at risk! Surely they will follow this pony-tailed beautiful bastard to the very ends of betraying our great country! Moses in the dessert!
Wait, there's more completely fucking retarded hiding-from-our-reality-by-bashing-a-scrape-goat horror!
He didn't vote!
Yes, in the previous election, which was like all elections not at all a choice between the lesser of two evils but a important choice between Justice and Evil, he didn't fucking pick a side!
AND HE ACTUALLY SAYS THESE SORTS OF THINGS WITHOUT STABBING HIMSELF IN THE HEART IN A SEARCH FOR FORGIVENESS.
So, after basically saying what i've said here but without any irony, our Great And Respected Journalist, Mr. Ben Kaspit himself, offers this thought:
Let's boycott him.
Yes! Let's boycott him! Let's not buy any of his nonexistent CDs! Let's not watch any of his invisible movies! Let's not listen to any of his songs we can't listen to anyway because they don't fucking exist. Far from allowing this probably-an-idiot to follow the usual blazing comet trail reserved for winners of the fourth fucking Israeli Idol competition, letting him without any reservation give a few interviews to news-starved magazines, make a few commercials for Head & Shoulders and then release one or maybe two songs to radio and then never being heard of again, let's boycott him and use up important media space talking about it!
That'll fucking show him.
Allright, Israel, I get it. You've been hurt. I know. You've lost a war, you, the unbeatable, the indomitable. You've lost confidence in your government. You've lost your confidence in your army, for god's sake! That's fucked up. You're reeling, looking around blurrily, trying to focus on a single issue to bring you back to life and remind you that you still kick fucking ass. I know you can still kick ass, Israel. It's okay. Really. You can stop. You can lie down. Take a load off. Let me make you a cup of coffee, Israel. There's no need to always be on the offensive. There's no need to always win. That's just life, Israel. You win some, you lose some. I know, baby. It's hard. Have a cigarette. There's no need to inflate a issue to prove you're still strong. You want the comfy chair, Israel? A pillow? Maybe later we'll discuss what we need to do to fix what we can fix? Yeah, calmly. Rationally. Yeah, I know, that'll be nice.
Let me turn off the light.
We'll talk in the morning.